My lady and I have been trying to collect things that will make things easier to live a life of duplicity under the military’s draconian antigay laws. Number one: tinted windows for your car.
Like I said, my partner just graduated officer training. I guess I should think up a cute pseudonym for her. Let’s see. I think I’ll go with Captain Awesome. If I were a captain I would definitely want to change my last name to Awesome. That way even when people hated me, they would still have to call me Captain Awesome.
Anywawy, I got to go to the South to see Captain Awesome (I love it!) graduate officer training, which I was crazy psyched about because the six weeks she was in training was the longest we had ever been apart. And then the last three weeks were mostly in the field, so we didn’t even get to talk on the phone. I was chill about it, but the truth was I was dying to see her.
We had decided to be discreet when we saw each other since the city she was in is just teeming with military personnel. But I swear when I saw her at the airport I almost tore off my shirt and jumped around screaming gay things. That’s how happy I was to see her.
But of course I didn’t do that. I walked up to her, my quivering mouth the only indication of how close my smile was to exploding off my face. She had the same expression. I said with mock formality: “Good afternoon, Captain.” In the end we permitted ourselves a brief hug, then walked somewhat stiffly to her car– where we fell on each other’s bosoms. I was pretty worked up. Like, I was laughing and crying and grabbing her boobs and everything. I think my own boobs got grabbed too.
After a minute, Captain Awesome revved up the car and sped off.
“I need tinted windows,” she said.