When I was in — oops, I was about to say where I was. Not cool!
Let’s begin again. When I was visiting Captain Awesome in an undisclosed location in the South (I’m not gonna lie, my active imagination kind of likes the secrecy. It’s like being a secret agent. If you can’t be seen together, you can at least be a secret agent, right?)
Anyway, when we were visiting each other I had the perfect idea for a really strong DADT repellent: an I Heart My Boyfriend T-shirt!
This is why. First of all, it’s obvious that any woman who wears that is straight. So straight that not only does she have sex with men; she has a BOYFRIEND.
Second of all, whenever I see someone wearing that shirt, I never notice what they look like. I never notice the people they’re with. The only thing I notice is how FREAKING RIDICULOUS their shirt is. They make me gag sometimes. And I’ve seen people wearing them who are way old enough to know better.
So I could be snogging Captain Awesome while she’s in uniform in the middle of the street, and all people would be able to think is, ‘God that shirt is disgusting.’
I mean, I’m not gonna push our luck. But I’m definitely gonna get two or three of these and wear them constantly next time we visit. Which could be Labor Day, as long as my job keeps employing me and paying me.
Only one problem with this DADT repellent, which my housemate pointed out: onlookers can’t see that you love your boyfriend from the back.
Still working out that kink.