One pain about being a dyke military partner is that neither of you have anyone to talk to (unless you’re ridiculously lucky and have a whole helicopter crew full of dykes like Tasha does in the L Word. Captain Awesome and I definitely thought that was gonna happen. It didn’t).
I figured I would have plenty of people to talk and laugh with, at least compared to Captain Awesome. But I don’t. I live with a bunch of queer and queer-friendly hippies, right. They know all about gay issues. But when I talk to them about not asking and not telling, the conversation is less than illuminating for me. They’re always like, “She’s in the MILITARY? Why would she do that?” Ask her. Or, “Wow. That must be hard for you two.” No kidding. Then the conversation turns to how the military works, and what Captain Awesome had to do to get in it (“Yes. She does shoot a gun.”) and how that must conflict with our rad dyke values (“No, she actually doesn’t support shooting brown people.”) and how she’s probably gonna get killed in one of the wars (“Actually no one with her MOS has been killed.”) (“What’s an MOS?”) and how much it must suck to not ask and not tell. (“Yeah. We’re hoping it’ll end soon.”)
So the conversation ends up being not helpful at all.
Okay, I said, I’ll swallow my pride and go on one of those military girlfriend sites where they complain about stuff all the time. I’m gonna talk about gay stuff and not care. It’s not illegal for ME to talk about it. That crowd is gonna deal with me whether they want me or not. And it’ll be good to talk to people you don’t have to explain the military to. We can get straight to the bullshit.
There were two problems with that: One, the forum is filled with banal discussions with titles like:
sigh, does he still love me???
that the authors can’t even be bothered to capitalize.
Two, it’s possible that I may have gotten rejected by the site. You have to get approved to be on it, right, and I filled out their stupid bio thing at least a week ago with basically the same bio I have on here. And then their other question is, “Tell us about your man!” and I replied, “She’s not a man.”
Still no email. Not like I want one after the gross misspellings and malapropisms I saw, but still. Doesn’t it ever happen to you where somebody you don’t like friends you on Facebook, and you just leave their friend request in your inbox so you won’t actually be rejecting them? I think that’s what happened here. And only the site mods know why. I have my suspicions, though.
So I guess I’m gonna go with my original plan, which is to speak out against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell as loudly as I can, and hope that I’m throwing up a flare for other ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between who are in a similar situation. Come out, come out, wherever you are.