Ding, dong, DADT is dead!

Archive for September, 2010

Levels of Inconvenience

Just as there are levels for the nation's fear, there are levels of DADT inconvenience.

When you’re in a relationship that’s technically illegal for one of you, some things are worse than others.

I mean, stuff happens every day that makes me mad, either for myself or for Captain Awesome. There are days when it’s not so bad. Then there are also days when I wanna go hit John McCain in his crap-lousy FACE.

Actually every day is like that.

Anyway, I’ve identified four levels of inconvenience. Behold:

The Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Inconvenience Scale

Level 1 : Mildly Annoying. These are the days when things aren’t that bad. Level One is  when you want to go outside for a walk with your military lady, but have to pass because you wouldn’t be able to hold hands anyway. It’s what happens when you want to go meet your military man after work so you can see him all dolled up in his uniform, but you have to pass on that too. It’s annoying, but it’s not too hard to adjust your plans accordingly. You keep it moving.

Level 2: Very Inconvenient. Having to spend extra money on groceries because you’re too scared to go to the commissary is very inconvenient. So is having to hide the gay pride flag you’ve had outside your house since you came out at the age of fifteen. And so is having to de-gay the house before friends come over—or not having any friends over at all.

Level 3: Majorly Infuriating. Not being about to adopt children is majorly infuriating.  So is spending  money on a hotel when you could just stay on base with your partner. Watching the Senate vote to keep you and your partner from having RIGHTS is majorly infuriating. Having to live apart from your partner because he got stationed overseas and you can’t get a job there? Majorly infuriating.

Level 4: Raging Ball of Fire. By the time you get to this level, you’re probably ready to explode. This level is akin to the “red” on that stupid terror color code thing. Red is when an actual deadly attack is happening. Similarly, Level 4 is when you’re actually getting discharged. When you’re actually breaking up with your partner because she’s a different person since she got back from Iraq and there wasn’t any counseling available for either of you. When you’ve actually gone insane.

If you hit Level Four, you’re done.

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Obama and Co. Object To DADT Injunction

I’m sure none of you will be surprised to hear that Obama’s lawyers have objected to the worldwide injunction Judge Virginia Phillips tried to issue on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs had this to say about the administration’s dastardly move:

“This filing in no way diminishes the president’s firm commitment to achieve a legislative repeal of DADT.”

Enlighten me, Mr Gibbs. How exactly does thie NOT diminish his commitment?

It would be one thing if Obama had done nothing. But no. If he HAD done nothing, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell would be history RIGHT NOW. It would be over.

But he told his lawyers to file an objection.

Again, I’m not surprised. Totally saw this coming. You’re PREDICTABLE, Obama, you hear me? Predictable in your LIES.

Before he was elected, I went around telling everyone that he wasn’t gonna do anything he said he was gonna do. But I didn’t know it would be THIS bad. Not only is he not doing what he said he would; he’s doing the OPPOSITE!

It’s not surprising, but still a bummer after this week’s Senate debacle. I swear, if the ruling on Margaret Witt doesn’t go well today — well, then it’ll probably be  one of the shittiest weeks  in DADT history.

The Day After The Vote

I can’t believe it was just last week that I and other military partners were so excited about meeting each other and talking to the Pentagon in a way that made them listen.
Hope was overflowing everywhere.

I don’t even know why I’m blogging today. I know I need to be urging everyone to take heart, but I think you’ll agree that there are some days where you don’t feel like blogging ever again—like when the Senate freaking VOTES NO on repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell!

Sorry, McCain. We're still gay.

I hope everyone John McCain ever loved turns into a flaming homosexual.

I hope his wife turns out to be a guy.

It was unreal to watch, live, as they voted on our rights, and decided we shouldn’t have them. Yeah, there was a lot of political bullshit involving Harry Reid’s amendment blocking, but still. As far as I’m concerned, that’s no excuse.

Captain Awesome is awesome. She seems completely unperturbed by this news. I mean, she’s bummed, but she’s the best in a crisis. If she can’t fix something, she just ignores it and moves on. I told her how the vote went yesterday and she basically just shrugged and went back to work.

So I know I don’t have to worry about her. It’s not stopping me from worrying, though. And no matter how well she deals with it, it still sits so heavy on my heart that she has to deal with it at all.

And I hate to think of my new friends– the queer partners and soldiers that I met and loved last week– dealing with this. Obviously we’re crushed. Lyra texted me at four in the morning saying she and Chief couldn’t sleep. Alice and I tried to keep up each other’s spirits at work, but it was hard.

They were so friendly. They were so in love with their partners. It’s fine if you wanna take away my rights, but when you vote against the rights of my friends, who never did anything other than fall in love – well, then it’s on. You hear me, John McCain? It’s ON!

A lot of us have been exchanging emails. General consensus: we’re devastated. But not deterred.

I will not rest until Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is repealed.

(Well, I might sleep at times. But you know what I mean.)

Is Anybody Else Hyperventilating Today?

I am. I’m practically rolling around on the floor, I’m so nervous about today’s vote in the Senate. Just seeing the headline on Yahoo yesterday made a chill go through me: DADT Showdown Looming In Senate.

Why do they have to make it sound so ominous? Can’t they just vote now and put me out of my misery?

I know all you other military queers are out there, waiting with bated breath like Captain Awesome and I are. (Actually, Captain Awesome is probably blithely seeing patients. She asked me to just text her.)

I know I’m hard-core, but I’m considering actually crying when this vote is over. No matter which way it goes.

If it goes the wrong way, we’re back to having NO idea when we’ll be able to be out with our partners. Because the Pentagon’s study has nothing to do with the legislative process. They can come up with all the recommendations they want, but nobody can implement those without some kind of okay from the legislature.

Have some HEART, religious right! For you, this is an abstract battle of morals. For us, it goes straight into our kitchens and our bedrooms and our lives!

Partner friends – you know who you are, even though no one else does – let’s all join cyber hands so we’ll stop biting our nails.

DADT Photo Exhibit Opens in L.A.

An exhibit of DADT-themed photography opened yesterday at the Kaycee Olsen Gallery in Los Angeles. The photographer, Jeff Sheng, has compiled two volumes of photos of queer soldiers.He favors dramatic shadows and a monochrome palette. I wouldn’t hang these up in my house because they depress me, but that’s the point of them I guess.

Except there are very few women in the pictures I saw, and one of them was a partner, posed on a bed in an I’m-waiting-for-my-husband pose. (It’s the photo on the homepage of the Partners Campaign.)Not so progressive in the gender roles department. It’s fine if you wanna take pictures of gay dudes, but be upfront about it and say you wanna take pictures of gay dudes.

Still, Sheng is a beast.

You can order books of his photos here.

You can read an interview with him here.

You can see a slideshow of his photography here.

A Community of Queer Military Families

I’m still in the aftermath of last Thursday’s epic smackdown (alright, it was a pretty civilized meeting) with the Pentagon. I was glad the meeting went well, but “fun” would be the last word I’d use to describe it.

What really made Thursday a day I’ll always remember was meeting and connecting with the other military partners, and several servicemembers.

The sense of relief we had at finally meeting each other was palpable. It reminded me again that this is what queer people have always meant when they say “family”. There wasn’t a single one of us who hadn’t made a good friend by the end of the day.

The most exciting thing for me was meeting other bloggers. I met three that I follow and like: Alice from the Campaign For Military Partners’ blog, Keori of Pam’s House Blend (who was a BEAST in the meeting), and Gay Soldier’s Husband, of Servicemembers United fame.

In the hotel meeting room that morning, we introduced ourselves.

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Successful Negotiations With The Pentagon

Today is one of those days where you wake up and can’t believe that yesterday actually happened.

Military homos, I’m glad to report that the gay military partners’ negotiations with the Pentagon yesterday went as well as could have been expected, under the circumstances. I’m glad to report that it seems like they will be using our input in their study, aka the Comprehensive Review Working Group, or CRWG (typical DOD for you there).

I’m glad to report that it seems that we have somewhat counterbalanced the bullshit survey. (Don’t even get me started on that survey. I will say, though, that at the Pentagon I spoke to one of the people working on the study, and s/he said that the survey was a lot WORSE before s/he recommended changes! I don’t even wanna KNOW what it looked like. Probably like some Krafft-Ebing case study.)

Should I tell you about the meeting, or about the epic time I had with the other queer military partners? Or the lobbying?

The meeting. And then the partners and lobbying in another post. Keep an eye out.

Honestly, I thought I had gone into the wrong room that morning. (more…)