Ding, dong, DADT is dead!

Archive for December, 2010

Gorging myself on pie.

It’s that slow week (if you’re off) between Christmas and New Year’s, when the leftovers are dwindling and the guests are starting to trickle away and you take lots of naps. I’m a heathen, but I suppose my family must be culturally Christian, because we never saw fit to stop celebrating Christmas. I think Christmas is one of the good things that white people have made up.

Captain Awesome came out to my mother’s place in Seattle for the first time. I’m still here, but she’s gone back to Militaryville, where I will be joining her on Thursday for the New Year’s weekend.

Our main news is that we went to Pike Place Market and got matching rings! They’re made of stainless steel and are super slim and simple and elegant. (And they weren’t expensive. I hate when people try to prove their love with expensive rings. These market-stall ones are more symbolic to me.) They look super pretty on us.

A year ago, or even maybe six months ago, I would have completely rejected Captain Awesome’s suggestion that we get matching rings. I mean, in the beginning, even the thought of having a partner was kind of a stretch for me. I’m a lone wolf like that. But I could tell that Captain Awesome would have really been happy about having matching rings, and I’m happy when she’s happy, so I said it wasn’t a problem. Now that we have them, I’m glad we got them, because they really are fun.

She’s not sure what she’s going to say at work if someone asks about it. If it were me, I’d just keep it off at work, but I think she thinks a ring is supposed to prove your love for someone and if you’re not wearing it, you’re not proving your love.

Also, we seem to have downgraded to Threatcon Bravo as far as Don’t Ask Don’t Tell goes. This was Captain Awesome’s choice. We were walking around in Seattle and she was all walking up next to me, touching me. It made me nervous, but it’s not really my choice. If she knows the risks and still wants to walk arm in arm, it’s her call. And really the risk was probably low.

So the Seattle visit went well. My mother’s out-of-town boyfriend was also visiting for the first time, so we made sure to go to lots of places they’d never been, like the Cascade mountains and the beach and Pike Place Market and all that. Captain Awesome had never seen the West, and had never seen real mountains, so she was excited about that. I would have loved to go on a multi-day hiking trip, but we did a lot for what time we had.

Except in a week, I have to go back to work. It looks like it’ll be a few months before they actually hire someone to take over my job, so I still have some time to put in there before I can move to live with Captain Awesome in Militaryville. I don’t want to leave my colleagues in a bad position, especially because we have lots of deadlines to meet all the time. And the money they’re giving me will go a long way in Militaryville.

But I’m still not excited about going back. Now that I’ve decided to move, I want to be there NOW.


It’s Official: Obama Just Signed DADT Repeal.

Captain Awesome, via text message:

When Obama was elected president, I was happy to have a Black man possibly on my team to take on the world. And now DADT is repealed, and I have my life partner to fight battles with. It’s so crazy that the same man who represented my venture into the illusion of being straight now represents my lesbian future.

She’s watching Obama sign the legislature into law, as am I and every other military-affiliated queer who’s able. My friends Keori and Gay Soldier’s Husband are actually there.

The only problem with that is that he’s given the Pentagon an open invitation to fool around as long as they want with actual implementation. People are saying it could take up to a year. I hope it doesn’t, obviously. Even though some people have been hiding for decades already, it would be a different kind of pain and frustration to have to wait another year, when civil rights are so close we can taste them.

But I’m not yet bummed about that. This is ridiculously historic. Watching the live feed of the ceremony, it looked like I was watching a video in a historical documentary or something — not something that’s happening in my own time.

Post-DADT: Day Three

I guess I shouldn’t say “post-DADT” because it’s still in effect and will be until Obama puts pen to paper and beyond.

But close enough.

Civilian friends have been running up to me and saying with expectant expressions, “How do you feel? Isn’t it great? Aren’t you happy?”

And I say in a monotone,”Yeah.” They hesitate for a second, waiting for some other reaction, and then when they realize they’re not gonna get one they fall back, somewhat disappointed because I was the first person they thought of when they saw it on the news.

It’s strange. This is the best news I’ve heard since — ever. I’ll remember yesterday until I’m an old dyke people interview for documentaries about the bad old days. But I don’t feel euphoric. Really I just want to cry, or have sex with Captain Awesome (who is 1,000 miles away).

It’s kind of exhausting — all the writing and lobbying and hoping and wishing and stressing — I just want to forget about it. To pretend it never happened.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do. Just pretend all the supressed smiles and the fear never happened. Just pretend I was never nauseous in the commissary ’cause we should not have gone there together. I’ll pretend I never disguised my letters or switched pronouns.

I’m happy, but it doesn’t take away all the stress we went through. And really, Captain Awesome hasn’t even been active duty that long. My friend Chief has been in for 12 years. Gay Soldier’s Husband‘s husband similarly has a long history. And there are others who served their full 20 years and never breathed a word.

So forgive us if we’re not dancing in the streets like we should be, or if we have a hard time smiling. It’s overwhelming. Also, we’re still shocked. We’re still realizing the myriad ways this is gonna change our lives. I was walking down the street, and I suddenly realized that if I were with Captain Awesome, we could hold hands. Then I realized I wasn’t gonna have to put up that silly picture of me at military ball with a straight man.

But I’m going to keep the picture, to remind us what lengths we once had to go to — and will go to no more.

Now That DADT’s Over…

Things Captain Awesome and I will be able to do:

1. Make out in public.

2. Buy matching rings at the local ring store.

3. Go to military ball.

4. Hold hands on the street.

5. Introduce each other to coworkers.



It’s official, ladies and gentlemen: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is OVER! Ended! Done!

Or, it will be in a couple months. When Obama signs some stuff and a waiting period happens.

Whatever! This is perfect. And I saw it live in the Senate galleries! (One of the perks of living in DC.) The cloture vote was the important one — that needed a 60-vote majority to pass. The final vote only needed fifty. The final score: homos 65, haters ZERO! (Or 31 or something.)

I woke up ridiculously early (for me) and biked down to the Capitol. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to blow my senator to get a gallery pass — another queer partner had hooked himself and me up. (He actually flew out from a far state to see this — so I’m glad his ticket money didn’t go to waste.)

There were hella people in the galleries. The fancy gallery people kept telling us to shut up.

There were endless hours (alright, like two) of debate. John McCain acted like a complete turd the whole time. He said some crap about how today was a sad day for America and and ending DADT was going to harm the rural small communities that “liberal bastions” and “salons in Georgetown” never think about. He didn’t specify HOW they would be harmed, but he acted like it would be something dire.

I knew there were supposedly enough votes. But I still had serious trouble breathing while the voting was going on. It takes FOREVER because they have to read all the names.

When they read aloud that 63 senators had voted “aye”, I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I’m not gonna lie, I cried. And the final vote helped me believe it. It’s over.

I should be happy right now, but I’m not. It’s too overwhelming. And it’s sad to think of all the queer people who worked, or whose partners worked, in the military, who never got to come out.  It’s sad to think of all the lives and  relationships DADT has destroyed — for what? For nothing.

There were so many times when I laid in bed and worried about Captain Awesome’s life and career and mental health and our relationship and wished so HARD that DADT would be over. It’s not like it’s EVER easy to be a military family (especially when you’re as anti-militarism as I am), but DADT was really throwing a wrench into all the plans we wanted to make.

When I made the decision to live with her a couple weeks ago, I was hopeful that this would happen. But I knew I couldn’t count on it.

Captain Awesome and I would have done as many years as we needed to under this law. But I’m glad we won’t have to now. DADT is gonna breathe its last breath on about the same day that I move to — well, still not telling. Can’t take any chances.

I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do right now, though — right now I’m gonna roll a gigantic blunt and smoke it all. And once the partying’s over, I have to discuss with Captain Awesome what we’re gonna do — whether she plans to come out or not. She may choose to stay closeted, just because.

I don’t care! I don’t care! We’re gonna live together and get matching rings and have a dog and be GAY!

In An Hour, I Will Be In The Senate Galleries.

I am up at seven-thirty on a Saturday. When my alarm first went off I got hella pissed, because I thought I had forgotten to turn it off for the weekend. But then I remembered:


I’m so serious. And it looks like it’s gonna pass. This is the best things have looked for queers in the U.S. military, ever.

I think since repeal is so imminent (knock on wood), I can reveal something about me that I’ve already hinted at: I live in Our Nation’s Capital. (I can also reveal that because I’m soon moving to live with Captain Awesome).

So the ONLY place I’m going to be today (since I couldn’t go see my brother in the Nutcracker) is IN THE SENATE GALLERIES, ready with tomatoes to throw at McCain and glitter to throw on the whole Senate once the vote happens.

And the BEST thing is that one of the other queer partners got me a pass to the Senate gallery! I thought I was gonna have to go perform some sexual favors to get anything this late (I mean the vote only got scheduled yesterday, basically) — but he hooked me up. Afterwards, we’re gonna party.

Captain Awesome is also in a position to party. She took a weekend getaway to the only large city in her area — with HORSE DYKE, who’s also very invested in ending DADT. So they’re probably gonna party like rock stars when I give them the happy news.

Well, ladies, I have to go get pretty for this. Next time I post, it will be about Captain Awesome’s and my NEW LIFE!


Horse Dyke

I’m going to the military ball tonight. I’m psyched about looking fabulous in my drag, but wishing I could go to it with Captain Awesome.

We haven’t talked in the past couple days (okay, more like two) because she’s making friends with someone who we hope will be our friend. She’s another dyke officer of color, and she’s apparently a badass. She and Captain Awesome have been hanging out like, every day. They’re probably gonna start making out soon. (I told them to wait for me, but it’ll be a few months before I get there, so I can’t blame them if they get a head start.)

Anyway, my favorite thing about this dyke is that she has five HORSES.  In case you didn’t know, horses are my favorite animals in the entire world. I’m already envisioning us going on week-long trails rides into the mountains of — oops, can’t Tell.