Now that I’ll be moving to Militaryville to live with Captain Awesome, I think it’s time to get this off my chest: I have a huge aversion to being an Army wife.
It’s not that I look down on them. It’s the opposite – I know too well the sacrifices they make. A lot of those sacrifices can’t even be measured because it’s stuff that will never happen if you’re a military wife. How are you supposed to have a career when you have to pick up and move jobs every two or three years? How do you go to a top-tier law school and live with your partner at the same time?
I’m gonna come out and say it: The Army has a lot of BALLS to be asking what they ask of military partners. And they foster a culture of silent ascetism to force people to be down with that. Face it: if you bitch too much about your lot in military life, that makes you a shitty Army wife, according to the military community.
The military asks a helluva a lot from Army wives, and I’m not gonna do it.
Saying that goes against volumes of military etiquette. It makes me look like a shitty Army wife. Well, I am one. Even though Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been nominally repealed, I do not support and WILL NEVER support the U.S. Army.
I support Captain Awesome, not the Army.
So one thing I’m worried about when repeal gets implemented is that I will be expected to start doing the things straight military partners do.
Let’s get this straight right now: I have NO INTEREST in being part of the “military family”. Been there, done that. It’s blackmail. They prey on the emotions you feel towards your partner, and your need for support from other people in your situation — to get you to support a WAR! Get real, heteros. This noble military wife idea is all orchestrated so they can get free support for a war.
That’s so low of them!
They don’t care about you! There’s this belief that all the sacrifices you make, you’re making for a bigger cause — freedom. They put out this idea that if it weren’t for our giant standing army, America would’ve been bombed into smithereens decades ago.
News flash: Costa Rica abolished its military years ago. They’re still on the map. Anybody who thinks a standing army the size of ours exists for self-defense is lying to herself. The U.S. military has one interest, and one interest only: expansion. (Not of territory anymore – of influence.)
Many military spouses are down with that cause. That’s great – no dilemma for you. I personally think that cause is bullshit.
We partners and spouses should connect WITHOUT the military facilitating. What would happen if a committee of undercover military wives used their military IDs to spread anti-war fact sheets all over a base?
See, that right there is why I’m not cut out to be a military wife. That right there is why I will never reveal my identity even though repeal’s been signed — because that kind of thinking could have reverberations for Captain Awesome. I think even Left Face might balk at that (but hey ladies, hit me up if you’re down).
But no matter what you or I think, if you’re the spouse of a soldier, the military’s got your ass in its clutches as sure as they have your partner’s.
I’ve told Captain Awesome that I would like us both to have an equal chance at a career, and that if it comes down to following her versus following my career path, I will live without her rather than abandon my goals. She says that makes sense, and she only plans to stay in four to six years.
But if she calls my bluff and decides to be a career soldier, I’ll be there for her. Anti-queer laws or not.
I have no choice.